Roadtripstuck
by ForMyLove-LoveIsLove
Summary: Title bound to change. Sixteen friends go on a road trip. What could possibly make stuffing those friends into two cars a bad idea? This is obviously going to be an ordinary uneventful road trip. Will not update this fic for a long time. Content subject to change.


**Kori:** So I'm just going to leave this here for you all to enjoy while I continue to be dead with all my unfinished fanfics. Plus, I needed an incomplete Homestuck fanfic on here. I just want to see what you all think of the first chapter and if I complete a lot more chapters then I may update this fic. I mean, I have a whole bunch of random fanfics sitting in my word doc and it's just there and I just want to share them all with you (except the horrible ones, I'll spare you of that). At least this isn't my first Homestuck fic but it is my first uploading it on here. If you want my first Homestuck fanfic then you better have guts of steel to endure its horrendousness. That's all I can say about that one. As for this fic, it actually was supposed to be a DaveJohn/JohnKat fic but later chapters ruin that. So no pairings for now... or are there? This fic actually came to be all because of Medieval Times. I love that place :D

**Notes:**  
1. I don't know what you see on your end but in edit mode, all the cussing/profanity and things are censored out. If it is censored on you end, let me know and I'll see if I can do something about it.  
2. Same with spacing. I can't tell if it's double spaced or what but this is mostly on me if it isn't.  
3. And this is the big one: _**I WILL NOT UPDATE THIS FANFIC FOR A LONG TIME**_. Even if I am on chapter 3 right now. I have a bunch of other fic I should be working on and in the case that I end up abandoning this one, I don't want you all being sadz after who knows how many chapters into the story. I don't know how I want to end this (I have an idea though) and I'm mostly making this up as I go.

**Warnings:** (For now) language, slight slash but will have slash/fem-slash later on, possible OOC, will not update this fic for a long time, and that's all I can think of for now without referencing too much on later chapters

**Pairings:** Will be revealed in later chapters

**Disclaimer:** No own cuz I'm lazeh. :P

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**CHAPTER 1: **_**A Good Idea**_

"God dammit, Sol! Wwill you stop touchin me?!"

"But I'm not touching you!" Sollux smirked.

"I don't fuckin care! Just stop it!" the sea troll growled with his arms crossed.

"But I'm not touching you!" the yellow blood stated almost innocently before using his psychic power to continue messing with the royal blood.

"Asdfjavvdkbajaucheb!" was all that came from Eridan.

"Gamzee, get your fucking feet away from my face" Dave calmly said, a hint of danger woven in the words.

"Chill, motherfucker! They ain't doing no harm! Nope, ain't harming no motherfuckin body." Gamzee shrugged in a carefree manner but still didn't put his feet down. No, he just decided to make it worse.

"Dude, just no! Stop molesting my sweet shades with your impure feet! When's the last time you even showered? God, I can even smell the damn yogurt you stepped in last month!" the cool kid, without losing most of his pokerface, let go of the wheel to swat the evil clown feet away.

"Gamzee! Are you seriously trying to get us all fucking killed?!" Karkat shouted in fear and shaking the clown, "As much as I can't stand Strider, I would very much like to live! So put your damn feet down!"

"Um... Gamzee, I, uh, really think you should, um, listen to Karkat," Tavros added in from the very back, unsure if his friend could hear him.

"No worries! The motherfucker seems to be doing just fine!" the clown troll smiled in a reassuring way.

"Dave, perhaps you should slow down. The sign we just passed said the speed limit is 40 and I can clearly see from back here that your speedometer reads 55" Equius commented, glancing from outside the window to the high blood in front of him and back again repeatedly as he tried to figure out what to do in the Gamzee situation.

"Um, Equius? What, uh, sign?" Tavros asked, looking at the blue blood curiously.

"Thit, AT! Watch your fucking hornth!" Sollux hissed, hunch over from the blow.

"Uh! I-I'm, um, really sorry, Sollux!" Tavros gasped, turning to the hurt troll.

"Tavros, I will ask you to refrain from moving as much as possible, particularly that of your head, to prevent further contact with your horns" Equius sighed, his head hanging to be as far from the giant horns as he can.

"Sorry, Equius..." Tavros apologized, his shoulder raised and his head hang low.

"Dammit, AT!"

"Ah! Sorry!" Tavros just stared forward before he ended up hitting the two in front of him with his horns again.

"Ha! Servves you right! ..." Eridan laughed, smiling wickedly at Sollux's misfortune, but this was quickly wipe off his face as his eyes went wide in shock, "GAK! Wwhat the fuck did you just shovve dowwn my shirt! I'm goin to fuckin kill you, Sol!"

"For fuck's sake, Eridan! Watch it! I'm right here, shithead!" Karkat shouted, grabbing the seatroll's arm before it smack him in the face, "Just shut up and don't move! Is that something you have the capacity to do?!"

"But, Kar!" the royal blood complained.

"I don't want to hear it, Ampora! And you, you lisping fuckass, stop making it worse!"

"Whatever, KK" The peace barely even lived.

"What the fuck, Sol! Kar, just told you to stop! Stop shovvin shit down my shirt!" Eridan turned around to glare at his enemy.

"Why don't you make me, thtupid!" the yellow blood said in a superior tone.

"That's it! I'm comin back there!" the seatroll shouted as he struggled to get out of the seatbelt's hold until he grabbed a handful of whatever it was Sollux stuffed down his shirt, "... Oh cod! Is this slime?!"

You glare at the road ahead of you, trying to ignore the happenings behind you. Realizing that Gamzee still has his feet in Dave's face, you direct your glare at Gamzee who only stares innocently back at you. You smacked his feet off only for the clown to put them back when you retracted your hand. Your hands tightly grip the seat as you try your damn hardest not to flip your shit at everyone.

Oh wait.

Too late for that.

"EVERYONE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" you turned around to angrily shout at the children-minded teen (barely even adult) trolls in the back, "SIT DOWN, FEET ON THE GROUND, HANDS TO YOURSELF, NO USING PSYCHIC POWERS, NO SHOVING SHIT DOWN PEOPLE'S SHIRT, NO MOVING, AND KEEP YOUR MOUTHS CLOSED OR I SWEAR, I WILL FUCKING GO BACK THERE AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WITH THIS FUCKING MAP! WE'VE ONLY BEEN IN THIS CAR FOR TEN FUCKING MINUTES AND HAVE ANOTHER TWO HOURS TO GO!"

Then to the cool kid behind the wheel with deadly smiling calm, "And Dave, stop speeding before we get our fucking ass pulled over! I don't wanna have to explain to the cops why we have trolls in the car or why Tavros is in the trunk!"

Now, everyone is silent. Well, mostly because they're shocked by your uncharacteristic rage shouting, which is more of Karkat's thing. But it doesn't matter, as long as you all survive the next two hours in once piece and not trying to kill or maim each other, you're good. Plus, Dave even slowed down to 47mph. Too bad Karkat and Eridan had to ruin the silence.

"Egbert, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard you say in your whole pathetic human life! Where has this side of you been this whole time?!" Karkat had his eyes wide filled with... hope? Okay, yeah. You'll only admit it to yourself but that's just adorable. Seriously, you can't not say that that's cute at all. You're not even going to put 'no homo' in there because that's already been established by this point.

"Wwill you please fill a fuckin quadrant wwith me?" Apparently, not everyone got the memo, you sighed as Eridan gave you a similar hopeful face.

Triggering another silence breaker.

"God, ED! You're tho fucking pathetic! No one wanth to fill a quadrant with you, not even JN!"

"Shut the fuck up, Sol! This wwasn't evven concernin you-!"

"Ow!" the two cried as you threw a water bottle at Sollux's face and smacked Eridan with a shoe.

"DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!" you growled at them, everyone now terrified about this new, previously hidden side of you. You turn around to go back to watching the road.

"Still think this is a good idea?" Dave asked with a smirk on his face.

"Shut up," you muttered, flipping him off.

Your name is John Egbert and you're starting to think this was a bad idea.

_**Almost Twenty-Four Hours Ago**_

"A roadtrip," Dave questioned in a non-questioning tone as he flopped down on the couch and took up all the room.

"Yeah, why not?!" John cheerfully replied, taking a seat on his friend's legs and sipping his Pepsi, "We'll be going to college soon and since most of us are going to different colleges, I thought we could do something like a roadtrip as one more teenage adventure before we go. I mean, it's just for the summer. Well, what do you think?"

"Don't know, man," was the cool kid's response, "it might not be such a good idea depending on who you want to bring... And get off my legs, you Pepsi-drinking fatass!"

Dave tried to kick his nerdy looking best bro off but John managed to hold down the attacking legs and continued like nothing.

"Well, we'll be bringing whoever wants to join us and if no one wants in on this trip then it can just be the two of us or we can figure out something else to do... That doesn't seem like a bad idea. What do you think?"

A pause.

"Alright, sure," Dave shrugged, "We just get permission from Dadbert, see who's going, pack, get a sweet ass ride to stuff everyone in, and all that other shit. Yeah, we can make that happen"

_**Some Time Later, About 10 Minutes Prior to John Flipping His Shit at Everyone.**_

Your name is Dave Strider and you are not pleased by these turn of events.

No matter how unappealing you made this plan sound, they all decided to come and ruin your plans for the most ironic roadtrip with just you and your best bro. You blame John, that flighty broad of a sister of yours, and Karkat... and that spider bitch, Vriska... and Jade but she's exempt from taking a good chunk of the blame cake since she really, really wanted to go on a roadtrip... No, she'll only get a tiny slice. But mostly John. Mostly John fucking Egbert.

Yes, they are all to blame for managing to get EVERYONE to go on this trip with giving everyone else the 'if so-and-so is going' excuse or whatever excuse they gave. You forget.

Why couldn't they stick with their first decision to not come? Just because John decided to tell Jade about the trip when YOU were the one who was supposed to tell everyone (and convince them not to come). Just because Jade wanted to come no matter how unappealing it sounded. And since Harley was going, Feferi had to decide to come with as well as three others whose purpose in coming was to take a shit all over your plans: Rose, Karkat, and Vriska. And with those four came that other fish troll Eridan, Sollux, Kanaya, Gamzee, and Terezi. Then it was Nepeta, Zahhak, Tavros, and Aradia. All because Harley wanted to come. All because John told Jade. Seriously, half the people coming on this trip don't want to be part of it.

Now you're all here trying to shove everyone into two vans (courtesy of Bro and also Rose's mom), one for the girls and the other for all the other shitheads. And currently, your derp of a friend is trying to figure out the seating arrangements.

Then an idea to get back at Egbert for thinking that bringing everyone was a good idea.

"Just put Tavros in the trunk and put Zahhak and Sollux in the third row and everyone else in the second," you tell Egbert. You can basically tell who's going to sit where and to make things easier, John doesn't know the other trolls', beside Karkat, personalities all that well. Sollux and Karkat stare at you suspiciously, trying to figure out what you are planning as they head inside the car. You don't give a shit if they figure it out or not, as long as they play their role.

Once everyone and everything is packed into the car, you head over to take your place as the driver. That's when Terezi runs over to you, pats your back, and licks your face as her weird Terezi way of apologizing then heads back to the other girls. Compared to Jade, you give Terezi the smallest piece of the blame. Can't really blame her for wanting to keep track of the spider bitch. You open the driver door and notice a certain troll sitting in the seat behind you.

Fuck! You forgot you put Gamzee in the second row. And even if you did remember, you would have thought he would prefer to sit behind John or maybe Eridan getting to the seat behind you first.

You shrug because you can still make this work.

_**Some Time Shortly After John's Uncharacteristic Yelling**_

You are Eridan Ampora.

And you are still not hearing a 'no' from John.

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**Kori:** In the original writing of this chapter, the beginning was just dialogue without description until it got to John's part of the story then continued as is. Sorry if I used 'flipping shit' in the wrong context but none of my friends said anything about it so I thought it would be okay to use as such. I also don't know how to type out lisps so let me know what you think about that or else I will continue to use the 's' rule (and the sounds like an 's' rule if I haven't already). Also, this story follows the boys, mainly John, but if I'm not lazy, I may write the girls' side of the story or the other boys who don't get enough screen time.

_**I WILL NOT UPDATE THIS FANFIC FOR A LONG TIME**_

Yes, I will repeat this as many times as necessary to ensure that everyone who reads this fic knows.

I feel like I'm forgetting something but I hope it isn't that important and that you can go live on without it.


End file.
